Futile Regret
by Ignea servus Dominus
Summary: As his life slips away, Erik's only companions are passing memories; the images of time gone by and regrets that can't be changed.


**Disclaimer: I do not own The Phantom of the Opera; all elements belong to their respective creators.**

_**Erik's P.O.V (Point of View)**_

I feel strength bleeding from my body, the icy stone beneath me offers no luxury

I felt tears go down my face...despairing tears...tears of anguish untold...it is too late now...too late...

Evil, most of my life can be described by that word. My time left on earth is short but I can have no peace

In the infinite, empty darkness, my guilt ravages me.

The blood spills once more before my eyes... the screams of innocents souls tear at my conscience...I try to fight off the memories but they refuse to leave...Images flashed in my minds eye... hate, violence, blood, screams...Oh when will it end?...

I cannot flee, I can't forget... I cannot deny it, for I have no innocence.

I killed my enemies in the most horrendous of ways, taunting them as they writhed at my feet, their perfect faces twisting into delightfully unrecognizable gargoyles. I bathed in the blood of mankind! And I _enjoyed it_, by God, I _enjoyed_ killing them! 

I laughed as innocent lifeblood stained my hands, I laughed as wide eyes glazed with death...This was my vengeance! This was my price! They had jeered me too long. Men had laughed at me, they had tortured me. I was an inhuman freak to them so they laughed at me...the beast...nature's cruel joke.

They wanted a monster so I gave it to them...But then they didn't laugh...they screamed. They

screamed as I slaughtered them...those that had so arrogantly thought themselves my masters.

Oh, the pleasure I felt as I gazed into their terrified eyes, knowing that now _I _was in control, knowing that this time I had their very lives in the palm of my hand.

Oh, I was a beast...A loathsome viper. Yet even a beast yearns for love... For so long did I pine for love. I wanted it more than anything!

When I could stand my loneliness no more...like a cruel master, I tried to force it...But I caused only hate...bitter hate! I tried to lock her within a prison...To force her to feel what she did not...and to do what she could not...I tormented the poor, innocent girl...What had she done? For what crime did she deserve such pain? …...Oh poor, Christine...

It was her that finally saved me... I remember...It seems years have flitted before me even though only a month has passed. Yet, I still see it clearly in my minds eye... Her pale face stained with tears...those crystalline eyes gazing up at me...filled with compassion...Compassion!...Even after all I had done...there was no hate in that soft, sweet gaze.

She could have screamed at me...cursed me...but no...she...she cried for me! With me! At that moment the veil was torn and I beheld in all its horrible glory the evil of my heart... And I knew then that I, Pluto, had no right to sentence my Persephone to a life of hate and darkness.

What right does a demon have to condemn an angel!? There is no crime for which she could be punished. Oh merciful beauty, so pure in heart and soul... I had to let her free... I let my little songbird go... She had to be free, free to dance in the light above with the rest of her world.

With chirps of joy she spread her wings and soared up into the heavens...rejoicing in her freedom!

And in that moment...if only for that moment...I could rejoice too. Because, for the first time in my life, _I was righteous_. My life would not have continued much longer even if she'd stayed... I knew it would kill me to let her go...but somehow...the joy in her eyes was enough for me. To know that, at least, she would have peace, gave me the strength to shatter her cage.

She is gone and I am alone once more, the flickering lantern beside me serves as my dying companion. "_Oh let her be happy, God..."_ I pray. It is my final wish for her...Perhaps, just this once, God will listen to the prayer of the wretch He abandoned at birth...I hope that God will give Christine a life of joy, as a compensation for all she suffered at my hands.

There is no salvation for me...I know that... God would not forgive a creature that he never cared for...I shall die and then be among others of my kind... It is as I deserve for all that I've

done – for everything...the murders...the extortion...I belong with Satan.

Hell take me...

_"__One of the criminals hanging beside Him (Jesus) scoffed, "So you're the Messiah, are you? Prove it by saving yourself- and us too while you're at it!" But the other criminal protested, "Don't you fear God even when you have been sentenced to die? We deserve to die for our crimes, but this man hasn't done anything wrong." Then he said, ____"Jesus, remember me when you come into your Kingdom" And Jesus Replied, "I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.____" Luke 23:39-43_

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